The heart wants what it wants...

... And I felt like I know him, though, and I know his heart, and I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me.... 
But I didn't realize that I was feeling so confident, so great about myself and then it just be completely shuttered by one thing... But something so stupid... 
But then you make me feel crazy baby I feel like it's my fault...
I was in pain...
The future that we hold is so unclear, but I'm not alive until you call.... Save your advice cause I won't hear it, you might be righ but I don't care, there's a million reasons why I should give you up... But the heart wants what it wants...
Why. Why baby. Why do you treat yourself like you do, why do you punish yourself just for existing.... Why do you harm yourself and be so disciplined and unpermissible with yourself... I know your heart and I know that you're such a good person, and I know your feelings about me because I know you better than you know yourself... 
And I hate being the one you hurt by hurting yourself, I hate it when you forget what you feel for me and just treat me like shit, just like you would do with yourself...  And I don't wanna give you up because right at this moment  I know I love you more than I have ever done, and that even hurts more because I know I have to give you up but I can't... I can't because that's the thing you want the least, and I know that the things you did you did them without thinking what you were doing... But I truly can't accept those things because we both know what comes after that... And I can't let you be that person that hurts me or destroys me, because I know that it would destroy you too... Because I know you love me just as mucho as I do but and that's the worst shit of all... That we love each other and the more we do the more we become damaged... I don't want to hurt you anymore and neither want to lose you... but what the hell do I do now... When I know that you're aware of what you've done and you feel just as shitty as I do... Cause we both know that that's exactly what would destroy us, because we were warned before...

It kills me to know that we both love each other SO MUCH... And at this point the situation is so complicated... I was SO sure about myself being with you and having this relationship with you that now nothing makes sense without you here... I don't wanna give you up, but I can't permit that and you wouldn't forgive yourself if it happened again or became worse... And the worst shit of all is that you did it, you crossed that line, that limit you couldn't cross when being fucking drunk and blind of anger... I was just trying to protect you... Just wanted to take you home and take ca-re of you... cause i knew you were hurt and i know that you needed me in a different context... i was trying to protect you from what you couldn't face, just for you because you're too important for me to lose you or see you in danger, I couldn't permit that so I made you explode in anger and I assume that responsibility, and I know the things you said after that were completely false and you didn't mean them... Because it wasn't the first time that happened and I know what you feel when you're angry but... You crossed the line you swore you wouldn't cross... And I know you didn't wanna cross it, but once you've done that we both know that it can happen again, and I know how that would destroy you because I know you love me... But three seconds are enough for you to realize... 

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