Overthinking

It's not that I don't love you anymore. You can't do that from one day to another. It's not that I've forgotten all we've had, cause I'm proud, more or less, of all the things we've been through for all this time. It's not that I've forgotten all those reasons I had to carry on, to avoid giving up on you, and to having your happiness as my main purpose. 

I don't know what it is. What I do know is that my feelings have changed since through all this time you haven't changed at all. It's not that you had to change to be with me, I blame myself for thinking that you were a person that you were not, and for thinking that you could be that person one day if I tried to get that idea into you. 

But you didn't and don't have to change, nothing at all, for being with me. I don't want you to. 

Because I don't know if that would work again, since you have already changed. Maybe I saw you like the good part of you, as if the bad one, that I knew was there, didn't exist. I tried to avoid the things that I didn't like from you but with the time started to realize that those things were growing, just as our differences. I didn't want to hurt you at all, but I knew that if I told you any of these things, that would hurt... Especially if they were told without a purpose, and just to let you know.

That is why I waited. I waited for a long and patient time for you to grow strong and build your moral and views of life. But those weren't appearing, not as I had assumed they would appear. Then was when I realised that this part of me that wasn't feeling comfortable was day by day bigger inside me. 

And it's not that I didn't have fun with you during my waiting, it's not that I didn't feel every word I said and every kiss I gave you. I wasn't thinking of letting you go all the time; they were just sudden thoughts in my head that I tried to throw away. But after being more distant at summer, I realised and felt that I wasn't doing the right thing anymore. I was just hiding myself from the truth. Because I knew that truth hurts and this one would hurt too much. But when I saw you again I couldn't pretend I saw you the same way and felt as I had always done. Something had changed and this new feeling pushed me to end with it. I looked to myself and felt so decided, that I didn't even think about it. I knew that as soon as I could do it, I would. And that's what happened.

And I'm completely aware of the fact that I'm never gonna find someone like you, with those eyes, that humor and that big heart. I know you never ment to hurt me. But the fact is that you did and I hurt you too. I didn't want any of us suffering anymore, and I knew this would mean suffering for you. But for once, I had to think for myself first.

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

I'M VEGAN

Hoy he llegado a algún límite, creo. No me puedo creer que se me esté juzgando de manera tan cruda por tener compasión. Por tratar a otros que se asemejan a mi más de lo que se nos ha enseñado como iguales. Es que no llego a comprender qué mal hago a nadie por no comer animales. Ni cómo es posible que lo radical sea no hacerlo, no comer animales, en lugar de lo contrario. Sobre todo cuando la ciencia y la evolución han demostrado que es totalmente innecesario. La compasión, esa cualidad de la que tanto presumimos como humana, es burlada hasta la saciedad por el miedo a enfrentarnos a una realidad que en el fondo sabemos que existe. Cada vez que hablo del sufrimiento animal, o comento la realidad sobre la industria alimentaria, recibo muchos comentarios del tipo "ay no, no me lo cuentes, no quiero saberlo"; mientras disfrutan del saturado sabor del bacon, o del queso. Y con esto no quiero culpar a nadie. Todos hemos crecido en entornos en los que la proteína venía del
Leer más

Friends

Imagen
Time passes by faster than we think... And during that time, we meet people we never see again, people we sometimes talk to and then there's these other people. That people you can count on, that people that understand you and accepts you just the way you are. Those you can have and incredible time with, those who won't let you down. Just four months are enough to realize that those little treasures will be there for a long long time, despite you already have to say goodbye. Goodbye and see you soon in my life, when you think of me, or when I think of you, when you visit me and I visit you. When we all meet up together and laugh hard till we cry once more. Goodbye and thank you for all those good memories that make you so important and special. In life you meet people you can never forget. And you don't let them be just a memory, because you want them to stay. You want to stay.
Leer más